The Surprising Difference Between Wooing and Pursuing

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Which do you prefer: wooing or pursuing?

Many women I’ve spoken to throughout the years have said they would rather be pursued.

I can understand why this might be your first response, but let’s examine what the implications are of being wooed versus being pursued.

First, let’s take a look at the words themselves, the language.

The Dictionary.com definition of pursue is: to follow in order to overtake, capture, kill, etc.; chase.

The Dictionary.com definition of woo is to seek the favor, affection, or love of, especially with a view to marriage.

NOW which would you rather have?

When you seek the energy of pursuit, you can easily become the object of a chase or a game. Which is, I’m fairly certain, the last thing you want when it comes to an intimate relationship!

Inviting a man to pursue you awakens his primal nature as a hunter. Once he catches you, that’s it. The thrill of the hunt has ended, and he’s on to the next prey.

Many of us have been taught, as women, that if a man isn’t pursuing you that means he doesn’t want you. Which may be true in the most basic sense of the word. But that does not mean he is not interested in wooing you.

Yes, it is natural for women to want men to initiate in the dating process.

When a man woos you, he is still in that initiation role. It might just look different then what you’re expecting.

For instance, a man who is trying to woo you is more interested in gaining your trust than getting your attention. He is more interested in learning about who you are than learning what you want to hear. A man who is wooing you will be more concerned with creating conditions for love to arise than creating conditions for instant gratification.

If you’re still not sure whether he is in hot pursuit or wooing, check in with your own feelings.

When you speak with him, do you feel respected? Does he show up consistently as the person you know him to be? Do you feel secure in your relationship with him?

The next time you start to find yourself enamored with the thrill of the chase, when a man is pursuing you, stop and check in with yourself. Think about whether you would rather be the object of someone’s affection or the apple of their eye. The difference between being pursued and being wooed means all of that and more.

Have any stories you’d like to share in the comments? Have you ever been wooed?


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