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First comes love, then comes… the ring?

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Have you ever heard a woman share the story of how she was proposed to, only to hear her express disappointment that the proposal wasn’t romantic or showy enough? Or what about the woman who sheepishly hides her ring away quickly after showing it off to you because it’s not as big as she would have liked?

I’ve got to tell you ladies (and gentlemen), we’ve been duped into believing a big lie about how important a shiny ring and an elaborate proposal are.

In the fairy tales, a man who really loves the woman he’s marrying will spend as much as he can possibly afford (or more) on a ring. Recently, I saw a post on social media that said, “How many months’ salary should a man spend on an engagement ring? ”.   I cringed as I read the question and the comments that followed. I thought we had moved past this debate; I thought we had matured and stopped focusing on the little things. Again, clearly not.

He will go to great lengths to arrange a proposal that is worthy of bragging to friends and family about for years to come.

But at the end of the day, the ring doesn’t matter. Diamonds, like money, won’t bring you happiness, and a romantic proposal won’t ensure that you stay married.

The ring and the proposal (and even the wedding) can easily become about looking good, either in your relationship or your financial status.

But the real foundation of the relationship should be built solidly on friendship, love, respect, commitment, and trust. Without these things the marriage will fail. And no ring, big or small can hold it together.

I’ve spoken to women who told their fiancés exactly what type of ring they wanted, where and how they wanted to be proposed to, and how much they expected to spend on a wedding.

I’ve encountered women who got everything exactly as they wanted and had marriages that ended in divorce, and I’ve encountered women who practically got nothing they wanted in the ring or proposal but have happier marriages than they could have ever imagined.

So, the next time you start to create an expectation in your mind around how much he should spend on your ring, or where and when he should propose, try to stop and think instead about what type of marriage you want.

Because at the end of the day, no matter what happens leading up to your wedding day, the big day is about your commitment and love, not how much your ring cost or how many people are impressed by your love story.  

Share in the comments… what are the three most important qualities your marriage should have?

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