“Staying vulnerable is a risk we have to take if we want to experience connection.”
I have a mantra: Faith over fear. When I grew stronger in my faith, I stopped fearing everything.
I used to be deathly afraid of heights. It all stemmed from a childhood incident where I was on the roof of a building with some girls, and they held me at the ledge because they didn’t like me. I was probably eight or nine at the time, but ever since that day, I would get deathly afraid of going over bridges, going to the top of buildings, cliffs, and everything except flying. As I grew stronger in my faith, the fears began to disappear. I conquered that fear of heights by walking over the Golden Gate Bridge.
And you know what? It felt good.
The fear that manifests itself in relationships is usually related to being hurt or vulnerable.
No one wants to open and share what’s in their heart and then have it laughed at, dismissed, or worse, ignored.
But how else can you get to meaningful connection? There really is no way around it. Vulnerability is the key to unlocking intimacy and deep lasting love.
If we want to love right, we have to conquer the fear. We literally have to walk in the fear, sit in it, and live with it. We have to build ourselves up from the inside out by understanding what’s the very worst thing that could happen and the consequences. When you’re able to control the fear, you master it, and then it goes away.
Here are 4 ways you can keep yourself open to vulnerability:
1 – Choose Wisely
Don’t post your deepest darkest secrets on social media for the world to see. Choose wisely people whom you trust and know with whom to share vulnerably, selectively. It’s a muscle you build over time.
2 – Say You’re Sorry
When you make a mistake, apologize. Take 100% responsibility for your actions proactively. Doing so will prevent shame from piling up on you, which is a big pitfall when it comes to staying open.
3 – Cultivate Love & Belonging
Do you want to feel love and belonging? Give love and belonging. The more that you can create love and belonging for yourself the more courageous you will feel.
4 – Give (and Accept) Help
Allowing yourself to be supported by someone else is a vulnerable act in and of itself. When you do this, you build up your capacity to be more vulnerable and even open. From that place, next time somebody needs help and you’re around, you will again be making a deposit into the vulnerability you are wishing to cultivate in your own life.
Share in the comments… do you chase vulnerability or run away from it? Do you desire more vulnerability in your life? How will you get it?